At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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