thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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