I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i dont even know how to be here
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
