You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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