the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
