I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
