hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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