i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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