haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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