I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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