How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
you made out with another girl for some wings
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
