just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
