see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
