i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
