she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
