I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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