ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
