and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize