when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize