Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
