it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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