How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Randomize
