dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
