i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize