oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
