Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
