So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
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