Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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