Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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