The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
