just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were trust falling into bushes
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize