fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
