its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
