Don't you send me to vm
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My cat gives me a boner
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
