i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If I had your ass I would rule the world
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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