So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
