I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
