get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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