Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
