I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
