GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
