I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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