If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
