k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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