I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
