I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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