Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
