if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
my sisters under your porch take her home
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
