and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize