Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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