They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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