Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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