do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
