i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
