OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
