TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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