I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
