Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize