I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can tuck mytits in my pants
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
