I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
