I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
