You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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