i already hear my dad disowning me
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
