At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
