I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
