My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
