I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
