I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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