Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
