I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
