I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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