do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Randomize
